well well well

This has been a long time coming, but I have 20 minutes to kill before a girl arrives, for some sushi in Bryanston. Well that's besides the point!!! She is a belter Afrikaans and well she may or may not be living with her boyfriend so I have assumed the name of home wrecker. Just a tad of background I met her at a work conference and we have been chatting and she told me that she is so sick and tired of her boyfriend. I don't see why people have a problem with being a rebound I highly advocate the practice. You let her complain listen to her complaints and bobs your uncle your in the money. This particular filly has a boyfriend that is starting in my office in January, which may be a tad awkward. He is an Afrikaans ginger do they even make those??? It will be highly entertaining hearing this guy, Ginger hair praating afrikaans. I just won't take him seriously. Gingers are bad enough but a dutch one now that's special I can see a few jokes going around started by me. I really do hope he does not have a Hilux and is a kluppong gym kind of oke. You can see what I'm talking about at my mate Slicktigers blog. http://slicktiger.wordpress.com/2010/02/09/the-slicktiger-guide-to-klapping-gym-boet/ go there to check it out. Another complication in this complicated state of affairs is the filly is Afrikaans also, and she wants me to start speaking Afrikaans to her maybe she is embarrassed by my Queens english that rolls of my tongue, anyway I am no Afrikaans speaker so will not be buying tapes and X-Kits to learn it. I will stumble through looking cute like I'm trying and she can stumble through to my bedroom.

Update shortly. Happy weekend peeps and find a filly...
Manweek post this weekend. It will be crazy

BP I HATE YOU

A couple months ago, that herendous company called british petroleum decided to piss oil all over the gulf of Mexico, now I know the Yanks do not approve of the incoming Mexicans illegaly but it does not mean that they can go and piss oil all over the ocean. In any case what did the ocean do to them? The mexicans come in, in cars anyway so they are cutting off their nose to spit their face. I am not a tree hugger hippy BUT when it affects the temperature in my city I get furious. Silly things like this make for a very cold winter, me being a single wolf hound does not make my life pleasant as I cannot obtain a swedish supermodels body heat like I do every night in my dreams. Now if I had a swedish supermodels body heat to steal I would not give a toss about the environment or the oil spill.

Thats a Big Piss
SO THEREFORE I HATE BP.....
I think that BP sends me a Swedish Supermodel to keep me warm then all will be forgiven and I will stop boycotting them.

She will do, notice the fur coat to retain her body heat

Incoming Mexicanos

Yoga

I am going to go right out there and say it!!! I went to yoga last night the reason is I have been having back problems that have been haunting me to fix. So physio suggested I try this hippy crap... So off I went not too sure what to expect but I did expect a high contingent of attractive females. Well I was not dissapointed and they all sweaty its so HOT...... (excuse the pun)

So as I arrive, walk in and see a very soft spoken homosexual (not good, so far) but none the less I fill out the forms get the run down of the operation, they burning incense still leaning more towards the hippy and not the actual workout. Still keeping head down and powering through this. The time arrives that its my turn 18:15 we all stream into the gigantic sauna at 40 degrees celsius. I just watch what the others do and copy. I strategically positioned myself at the back of an incredibly attractive female, now we getting somewhere, we start off with simple breathing excercises not easy. Lets just say the next 90 minutes were hell and the instructor was satan. None the less I had a spectacular view of pretty girls ass for 90 minutes so nothing wrong there. I am going back tonight again to be punished by statan.

BRING IT ON!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS: Hot chick in front of me is really cool and hopefully go for a drink sometime.

Boobs, Generals and Beer

Well my mate Slicktiger is leaving the land locked city of Jozi town for the ocean seaside. How romantic sounds like a summer read at the beach house where the hero goes leaves there comforts to go and explore new lands and then gets involved in a twilight episode.

I am sure that wont happen as he is off to Cape Town which is a fairly civilized part of the country. His goodbye soiree was on Saturday. Its officially started at 14:00 I arrived at 15:30 did not want to start drinking immediately. The day started off swimmingly literally the incessant rains that have been plaguing our fair city subsided and let us have an outdoor party. towards the beginning of the day everyone was fairly well behaved and trading interesting anecdotes and getting to know one another, as the day wore on the anecdotes got a little more crude, the day retreated into the dark night. As the night came so did the bad behaviour. We were all jumping in the pool scantily clad. There was an interesting english las who's father is a General in the British Army, so you expect the queens english and the queens behaviour. Wow was I wrong this girl drank more than anyone at the party and ended up in the pool with the rest of us. AND I GIVE YOU THE GENERALS DAUGHTER>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The generals daughter is the Blondie

Click for slicktigers version.

Flack

Right I have been getting a lot of uphill about this equestrian excursion of mine. First of all everyone says that I dont want to get together with a horsey person, okay what is a horsey person and what are their downfalls?

Lets look at the perks of dating a horse rider,

1- She has a riding crop (spank me)

2- She can ride you like her pony (how is that bad????)

3- I am free to play golf on the weekends, because she is riding horses.

4- She is not a money grubbing whore so she can buy dinner once in a while.

5- Lets face it their is something about a well toned female in a horse riding get up that, well I just want to take her right then and there.

6- Can go on romantic rides in the waves when at the coast.

So its decided I am going to find a horse rider make her ride me like a pony and spank me with her riding crop.

Well lets face it horse riders well they need to be tamed and I am up to the task, because they are all prim and proper on the outside of the bedroom but behind it they are a she wolf... awoooooooooooooooo (I bet Shakira likes horses) click for shakira

I am a big fat failure

Well my equestrian excursion did not happen as planned, due to the weather...

It has been pissing down for weeks now this is not the summer I know.

Now due to the rain and general crappy weather I was unable to visit the showjumping grounds as; 1 the bloody site I was using to find out about horse jumping their schedule is crap and does not give you definitive locations which turn, to be difficult to find. The one I was going too turned into a school and I could see a cricket pitch in the only field; and 2 is I am sure that those horsey folk would not ride in such kak weather because their horses may break.

Well I am sure that this weekends excursion will be more succesful as I am going to contact my aunt who has a farm and knows about horse jumping in my area so will find out that way.

Thursday ROLLIN

This is how I roll on a Thursday when the rest of the country is enjoying a Phuza Thursday, here I am killing it with a Whiskey (talisker 10 year old) water (bottled at paupietersburg) and ice (frozen in sandton) leftovers from 3 nights ago... Lamb chops and veggies.... The main thing we looking at here is not the delicious meal I have come across but the computer...

Yes playing poker, not fairing too well this evening...

HERE IT IS THURDAY NIGHT BAM

This is It

I have decided to do something about being single.

Now my initial plan was to hang out at farmers markets but with the lack of farmers markets in Jozi. The one I know of is open on Thursday's and Saturdays, and generally the girls at farmers markets are well, how to put it politely "they enjoy the burning herb" a bit too much. Ah fuck i have never censored this before they either hippies or grannies. My vision of a farmers market girl was Jamie Pressly in Joe Dirt.

Well I was sorely mistaken.

Now onto the next venue for meeting girls, I am going to go to horse events. Oh ya...........

My first excursion into the equestrian community starts on Saturday.

This is my vision of Equestrian Girls:

The Month of January's events, if all goes to plan I will get an invite to the prize giving:....

Is going Red, like going black you never go back?

Now I just read an article about procreating during menstruation......

Now this is a touchy subject you are either for it or against it, I for one have not had the pleasure of taking a sail around the red sea but I do think it will be an interesting.
I just have 5 stipulations:

1) Inform me before, you always want to know when we about to cum. same thing

2) If I shag you in all the redness of your menstruation, do not complain when I ask you to swallow. It gives me the same sense of satisfaction that the eventual orgasm you will have when your blood is everywhere.

3) I will only do it in the shower, blood freaks me out not so much that I will stop but just not a fan of sleeping in blood.

4) This will make me feel like man so don't bring me down with a menstrual sarky comment.

5) Don't ever say I am not caring enough. Females who say that are incredibly frustrated sexual vixens in a missionary style relationship, that want to get shagged from behind while their hair is being pulled.

Hank Moody the coolest mother fucker around Fucks chicks on their periods and he is a real man. SO make a choice

Click the coolest cat around for the comments

You Sir have been awarded the congretional medal of awesomeness

This kid stands up in front of his peers and decide to tell the President of the most powerful country in the world to Legalize drugs and non violent crime. The student does look like he just came straight from a meth den and robbed a liquor store on the way. If Barack decided to go with this young lad and decided to legalize the pot, meth and other drugs, they would be a nation of FUCK TARDS..... Perhaps like this guy.

from a while ago...

Never Ceases to amaze Me

Lets have a look at cricket for a second now....

We are utterly useless and crap why we compete at an international level is beyond me, we have a game sewn up and then just draw every bloody test match we play. I love cricket its one of my favourite sports, so civilised. Now we get this buffoon Graham Smith who score a good inning once every 10 tests and he is the captain. Now that should tell you why we should be playing Bakers mini cricket in the back garden instead of disgracing the "Monaco" of South Africa with a travesty of a match that this last test match is. (I say "is" because its still going on)
So we going to lose the series and be the laughing stock of international cricket, they will put us in the same league as Bangladesh and Zimbabwe, maybe then we will win, does Gibraltar play cricket?


What we look like to international cricket teams

A FUCKING JOKE SORT YOUR SHIT OUT

sorry for the rant______ you still my favorite, yes you, stop it, no you stop it

We Still Here

I have mixed emotions about this whole end of the world thing.

I mean seriously why do you care that the world is going to end, you wont know it happened and that's it your little spec of a dust mite in the greater universe of your life will be, well over. Really a meteor could come hurtling at the Earth and send us all into oblivion, you would not know. Seriously how average would it be if you were the only survivor on your continent, because majority of us don't know how to fly or sail so you would be stuck on your continent. Hypothetically a 5 star hotel survived, you would be able to survive in luxury. Boredom would get the best of you. There would be no person on the other side of the television talking to you because that person that was there yesterday got a meteor up his ass. The internet will be obliterated. Will Smith in that movie I am legend where he survived apocoplyse and his companion was a dog and these siff aliens.

The ideal situation would be aeroplane fuel, a library and a learjet survived then at least you could get to other continents to see if maybe there was a JLH to repopulate the earth with, then that brings up incest issues, did we not come from incest according to the bible.

SO I am going to end this off with a quote from my favourite movie of all time.... 25th Hour

"Let an earthquake crumble it, let the fires rage let it burn to fucking ash and then let the waters rise and submerge this whole rat - infested place"

JLH

I am back in the land of thunderstorms, scary taxis and one of the most dangerous cities in the world, call me a fool, a mad man even a psycho if you will. I love this place so much.....

The city is just amazing and I miss it when I am away there is an undescribable energy when you in Jozi its addictive. Even winning a R1 billion I would not stray very far from this city of mine.

Well I was wondering what to post then it hit me, what has Jennifer Love Hewitt been up to lately. I dont know but one thing I do know is she is a bona fide hottie.

See she is not waify and thin that you are scared to throw her around in the bedroom as you may break her, no no she is voloptuos in all the right areas. She is a natural hottie. I cannot even start to say "oh she is like this, her personality is like that" because quite frankly my dear I don't fucking know her, and cant even speculate. BUT!!!! If I had to choose a character from one of her movies and thats my best one it would definately be Heartbreakers, because lets face it her tits are amazing in that movie and always in your face well lets just hope she does not steal my cash then thats the perfect one.

So I choose this scene from Heartbreakers to show you-------------> Click the pic!!!

Poetry is for fags

I had a HOLIDAY night last night, that meaning I went balls to the wall and had a ripper beyond all proportions, running around the streets of Cape Town up, down and all around. Well let's say I am feeling fairly fragile...
Well that aside I woke up on the floor with a beer and patron taste in my mouth, with foggy memories of how I arrived on the floor. Putting it together I realized I am on my friends floor and we caught a taxi or did we, did our other friend drop us off. FUCK WAS HE DRIVING!!! Strolling around the house making coffee to try and feel averagely normal, I stumble upon the fridge and find the dirty fridge magnets, so I decided to spell my name with a poem....
As I said POETRY IS FOR FAGS!!!!!
The top reasons poetry is for fags and why I just broke every man law there is:
1) Poetry is for homosexuals.
2) It hardly makes sense, and if it does it. takes 30 minutes to work out the bloody meaning
3) The only people that write this homo erotic drivel are those "emo" kids (which I am not) who are gay... They just don't know it.... Katy Perry you're so gay explains that one.

Well the picture explains my need to be a MAN today....