Poetry is for fags

I had a HOLIDAY night last night, that meaning I went balls to the wall and had a ripper beyond all proportions, running around the streets of Cape Town up, down and all around. Well let's say I am feeling fairly fragile...
Well that aside I woke up on the floor with a beer and patron taste in my mouth, with foggy memories of how I arrived on the floor. Putting it together I realized I am on my friends floor and we caught a taxi or did we, did our other friend drop us off. FUCK WAS HE DRIVING!!! Strolling around the house making coffee to try and feel averagely normal, I stumble upon the fridge and find the dirty fridge magnets, so I decided to spell my name with a poem....
As I said POETRY IS FOR FAGS!!!!!
The top reasons poetry is for fags and why I just broke every man law there is:
1) Poetry is for homosexuals.
2) It hardly makes sense, and if it does it. takes 30 minutes to work out the bloody meaning
3) The only people that write this homo erotic drivel are those "emo" kids (which I am not) who are gay... They just don't know it.... Katy Perry you're so gay explains that one.

Well the picture explains my need to be a MAN today....

Cape Town

This is the greatest city in the world man....

The sunsets rock and the people are awesome.

I love december not because of all the xmas cheer and rubbish, I dig it because its the high of Summer in SA, their is test cricket on (which means lazy days in the sun watching the cricket with beer) I took a walk up the mountain. I highly recommend it, when I was 2 thirds of the way up I was ready to break down cry and wish I had a breitling that calls emergency services. Then I saw a women that was American and HUUUGE come waltsing past me like it was nothing so I stood up and vowed that i would beat this ridiculous excuse of a human. I had a Castle lite and I swear that was the most rewarding beer of my life, that has converted me to start drinking that instead of heineken.

Please enjoy some shots .

reminds me of these in 07

The plan

When I revived this blog out of the ashes to which it once fell, rising up again like a mighty phoenix.

I decided that there would be a post a day, well now this may be difficult, now that I am going on holiday later. I am off to the fairest Cape Town for 3 weeks of glorious Sun, Surf, Golf, Sundowners and chilling. I will try my best I promise, I can post off my blackberry so as I said will try my best.

School kids, dreams and fantasies

In every young school boys heart there is the desire to get with at least one of their teachers. I know I had my fair share of crushes on teachers from about Std 3. Which may explain my behaviour these days. (read an interview I did) Well that aside lets carry on, another common school rumour is that that the PE teacher is a lesbian, my Biology teacher was lesbian with the Geography teacher I am certain of it. Well in a school in this amazing land of ours there was a PE teacher and I am not sure of the other teachers specialty maybe Biology because she was caught inspecting the PE teachers anatomy in an empty classroom (with her tongue) One learner was reported as saying, the PE teacher always wore low tops and short skirts and shorts. Why we never had attire like this at my school I will never know.... Lucky boys is all I say. The misguided naughty teachers were 29 and 33 the 33 year old has or had a husband.

Imagine the conversation she had, I think it would have gone something like this.

PE teacher: Hi Honey, how was your day?

Husband: Oh alright bloody traffic (bitch about traffic) How was your day honey

PE teacher: Well I am suspended without pay!!!

Husband: What are you serious why?

PE teahcer: I was caught by a cleaner having sex with the Biology teacher

Husband: So you cheating on me with a woman!!!

(long pause for effect)

PE teacher: Are you mad?

Husband: Of course I am bloody mad you are having a lesbian affair and not involving me,if you had just asked you could have done it at the house with me.

PE teacher: (shocked, and quick to make up for it) Okay I am going to phone her and us three can sort it out.

Husband: Perfect get her here, so we can discuss an arrangement.

Wow been a while

I was contemplating about this blog thing, whether or not to carry on, so a couple of months ago. I threw in the towel and just said "fuck it, delete it" which is what I did. This was all in October and now I come back to see that I can just undelete it and its back baby!!!! I dont care I am coming out guns BLAZING this is going to succeed now. I have ended up in the gutter once before, I am in the gutter shaving and ready to come out. My mate slicktiger inspired me. (check that one out) That guy can write and dont question him about the music things, because he will devour your soul....

Well as I was saying this thing right here is going to work, if it doesn't want to, well then I will just have to beat it into submission until it does. Previously I was lacking direction, I am going establish the direction I need and WRITE THE FUCK OUT OF IT. It has come a long way since the total of 7 posts in 07....

I will leave you with a theme song....(clck the cartoon)

Handle with Care

The pope was hanging out in his Holiday Home.

When he woke up he decided it would be nice to have a bath (as you do when you wake up)

Well I am uncertain as to whether it was prior bath or after the bath but he

slipped and broke his wrist. Pretty awesome

Best news you will hear for the next two weeks the only thing cooler than this, will be the death of Robert Mugabe..... Or a Michael Jackson re incarnation....

Maybe Mr Pope can hook that up

This is his holiday home...

Looks like a painting no friends thats his lawn and him just chilling contemplating popey things

FW: Well said Bill Cosby, come to South Africa & say thesame!!

This man deserves the Nobel Prize in the 'Common Sense' category...

THIS MAN IS THE CLEVEREST COMEDIAN ALIVE

'They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English.

I can't even talk the way these people talk:

Why you ain't,
Where you is,
What he drive,
Where he stay,
Where he work,
Who you be...

And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk.

And then I heard the father talk.

Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth
In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living.

People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an Education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around.

The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.

These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids.

$500 sneakers for what?

And they won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics.

I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit.

Where were you when he was 2?

Where were you when he was 12?

Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn't know that he had a pistol?

And where is the father? Or who is his father?

People putting their clothes on backward:
Isn't that a sign of something gone wrong?

People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn't that a sign of something?



Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?

What part of Africa did this come from??

We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don't know a thing about Africa .....

I say this all of the time. It would be like white people saying they are European-American. That is totally stupid.

I was born here, and so were my parents and grand parents and, very likely my great grandparents. I don't have any connection to Africa, no more than white Americans have to Germany , Scotland , England , Ireland , or the Netherlands . The same applies to 99 percent of all the black Americans as regards to Africa . So stop, already! ! !


With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap ......... and all of them are in jail.

Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem.

We have got to take the neighborhood back.

People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different 'husbands' -- or men or whatever you call them now.

We have millionaire football players who cannot read.

We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs. We, as black folks have to do a better job.

Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us.

We have to start holding each other to a higher standard.

We cannot blame the white people any longer.'
Dr. William Henry 'Bill' Cosby, Jr., Ed.D.



WELL SAID, BILL
It's NOT about color....

It's about behavior!!!

PASS THIS ON AROUND THE WORLD!

FW: Happy Friday!

Heather

Why let words destroy the beauty that is Heather Vandeven.






Click her for the NSFW pics......

Danielle Steel in real life

A good book needs:

1) A faceless corporation throwing money away
2) Underhand dealings and corner cutting
3) Private investigators
4) A wicked romance on the side
5) A crazy twist at the end

Now this story I have dug up on the now soon to be broke and bankrupt general motors is, the story that has all these twists and turns that a good book should have. ( no love story but im sure there was one)

Click the main star the car to get the scoop!!!!!!!

The holy grail of FUCK SHOWS

I got this picture sent to me of this car that costs R7 Million that's more than 90% of the population will earn in their lifetime. The dirty Arabs decide to go and convert this vehicle to a bat mobile look alike but with neon lights all over it and chrome.

The car is built for speed and now you add all this chrome or whatever to it and you get this atrocity.

Enjoy

Bree Olsen

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

This is just pure beauty

This is unbelievable Carmen is 36 years old.

Getting her kit off she still looks like this!!!!

Really well done and congratulations carmen

Carmen Electra

Playboy 2009

Make a choice

There are beliefs myths and legends about the exact place that you die results in the plateu of afterlife you will recieve for example if you die on a hill top having a picnic you will recieve a fair place in heaven because you died appreciating the world and its surroundings.

If you died in the arms of your one time sweetheart that you married and were never unfaithful too, you get even higher now we talking dining, and partying with the angels.

There is a place in heaven that is reserved for only the most upper echelons of heaven society.

These plateaus are so high that you can not even fathom how awesome your eternal life will be, you will be joking with the big guy and have a certain amount of power over the world.

In order for you to get these privileges you must die between this womans breasts. The amount of happiness you will be feeling at the moment of death will propel you into the upper society of heaven.

(make your choice)

The ultimate girlfriend

Britters Britters Britters

This is a wardrobe malfunction beyond any other wardrobe malfunction......

I actually dont think you can get worse than this!!!!!!

That amazing Britney Spears the one woman that saw hell's gates and turned around and said "i aint going in there, I am going to sort myself out"

Sadly she has not sorted herself out.

At a recent concert while she is molesting the dancer, you can see what can only be described as a tampon..... mmmmm not very classy britters

Russian Vodka

This is the epitome of what the recession, credit crisis and recent spate of swine flu do to poor Russian factory workers.

Well this man got sacked from his job, not going home and contemplating which factory he will try and get a job at next he proceeded to drink an unhealthy amount of Vodka. Just remember this is Russia so therefore the vodka is made out of oil and strained through coal pits.

Click the picture and it will give you the full insight into how excessive his binge on vodka actually was.

Makes my big Saturday nights look like a business meeting alchoholic consumption.

Sergei and his wife (happier times)

Unattractive

I truly am sorry that this blog has become an unattractive pit of obesity, uglyness and retarded drug addicted fools....

So I do apologise but this will make up for it.....

Just enjoy and if need be you can retire to the bathroom after I will not judge you.

Dont let the boss catch you and blame it on a yoghurt spill because that just wont fly....

Really sit back and enjoy......

Okay

oooooooo

holy shit balls

This is why the USA needs to press reset

My theory to allieviate ourselves out of this recession, we need USA to press the reset button.

If they press the reset button. People like this would not be able to afford computers or the internet then instead of sitting there in front of the computer making a complete fat arse of themselves they will be running around outside losing all that obese fat clogging up the arteries to their brain so they wont produce shit like what you will see here. Its worth a watch. If you finish it I will be impressed I am actually dumber now that I have watched this....

Click the link to see fatty beatbox.....

Free Basing

It has been two days of awesomness, yesterday I solve the arguement and bewilderment of the "hanson fags"

Last night driving home I hear nothing else but that awesome song, the one that makes your bones sore its so bad but you will always laugh because its just that ridiculous. the song was banned from radio in USA but now at midnight on 94.7 highveld radio. My ears were graced by the sillyness that is

"If you seek AMY"

Surfing my usual smut related sites I stumble upon this little gem, continuing the theme of anti drugs.

This man is the epitome of why Cocaine is bad for you!!!!

No more boring you please click this for utter enjoyment!!!!!!!!!!!

HOLY FUCK SHOW

Do you know what has happened to these three 1 hit wonders if you can call the fuck show that this was if it was a hit....

I am sure when the record label signed them there was a big cocaine party the night before and these three clean cut young boys walk in with this ridiculous song and play it. The record execs are so HIGH that they are unsure of what they are hearing so they sign them and make the CD... The american public being so stupid that they believe anything that MTV sells, they rush out and buy it, propelling these three fags in stardom.

This is why this site does not advocate drug use at all drug use clouds your judgement....

COCAINE IS BAD!!!!!!!!!!

Just a hot belter

Nothing else just a hot chick for you..................

Ashlynn Brooke

Blue, Skys', Butterflies and payouts

On this fantastically sexual day in the heart of Jozi.

The sun is shining a little brighter, the sky is a little bit bluer.

The reason for this is not the ozone layer it is the fact that the government is finally getting a big dildo in the ass.

They have layed down the wrong legislation for the traffic fines. So if you paid a fine between November 08 and Feb 09 you get a full refund.

Now my friends all at once HALLELUJA....................

The angels have smiled upon this forsaken city.

CELBRATARD WATCH

I tell you these celbratards get dummer, scummier and trashier, as I read more and more about them.

This one, she does not do anything she is a socialite, so basically every night she goes to expensive clubs wastes her parents hard earned cash. Some people could interpret this as jealousy and laugh and say I am attacking them.

BUT

This celebratard made a sex tape, sold it on pay per view on the television and now she is travelling the country as a stripper.

Well I would still pay so i could throw rotten cabbages at her vagina.....

Sticking with the theme

I am sticking with the theme of the whore's and whore mongers for the day........

I GIVE YOU JANA JORDAN

Whore Monger

"Joost coked up nailing a whore" video. (that is the name of it) according to me.

Onto the countries top scrummie, lets go through his CV:
Won the 1995 world cup with Francois and the boys.
Played in the world cup's of 1999 and 2003
Held his dutch heritage strong by playing for the blou bulle.



He then married the hottest piece of ass on the SA television (Amor Vittone)
Popped out some lighties and got a sex scandal recently. A video tape of the scrummie has surfaced showing Joost shnarfing some charlie and banging the shit out of a whore, who had the presence of mind to video tape the scrummie.



He is denying he is a coked up whore monger, the video will be released soon and we will know if the scrummie is a scummie whore monger.......



This is a story i am watching closely because how will Jonty feel when his church buddy is a coked up whore monger.

Biggest Farce ever

Look at this Britney Spears compared to this one I cant even believe they are the same person.
Here she is acting all "ooo look at me I just stepped off a yacht oh and here is some pie"

She seems to be portraying this wholesome image which I can totally dig but, she just cant pull it off, now if Reese Witherspoon was donning a lacoste polo shirt with a jumper draped over her shoulders it would be alright actually it would be better than alright.

Britney just makes it look cheap and trashy, like the cheap trash she is...

Wholesome, nurturing and mature. What is up with the dude?

the sea in the highveld

The rains plaguing the Gauteng area have seriously got out of hand.

This is just a story and an advert for Range Rover.

A man was driving his two little girls to school, taking a shortcut that he always takes over a low lying bridge. having a Range Rover he thinks well this will be a perfect time to test out the 4X4 capability. As soon as he got half way across the bridge the Range Rover was struggling for grip and it abruptly became an aquamobile. Revving, and trying to regain tread he found himself 20m off the bridge. In the middle of a river. Rescue teams were deployed to save the man and his two daughters, from the roof of their submerged R800,000.00 4X4 vehicle.
Will you buy one?





Keep to the tarmac......

Grinding 101

Click the silly people to get to the link...

If I talk about it I will just ruin it Just follow the link

Would you pay 4.5 bar for this?????????????

There is a condo in Telluride Colorado that's being sold for $440,000.00 thats US not Zim.

It boast's a bedroom loft but if I am not mistaken that is no doubt in my mind a bathroom loft.

You know you invite your uncle bernie round and then you go out with all your friends and Bernie and you have a bender waking up in the morning with a raging headache and you slowly get the wafting aroma of a beer shit. There bernie is sitting down there having a shit while you trying to sleep .

Seriously sort it out man their must a be a health violation here..... I mean what the fuck...

Click bernie for the entire article.

Bernie

BA NA NA NAA BA NA NA NAA BA NA NA NAA BA NA NA NAA BA NA NA NAA

WE HAVE MOVEMENT....!!!!!!!!!

All the construction, the inconvenience the insessent swearing has been fruitless until now.

The GauTrain is on the tracks and testing. This is a great day.

The train journey from Sandton will cost an estimated R15 to Pretoria and will take 12 minutes from Sandton to the Airport not sure how much that will be. I am oh so proud. Normally I could not care, I just deal with the inconvenience and carry on and hope it gets finished soon but this I do care about and it turns on a light of hope for this country.

Well Done.

Have a look at the site it will make you proud to

http://www.gautrain.co.za/

the front

the luxurious seating haha

the train arriving in Durban

Old vs New

These were the days when Jessica Simpson was hot I mean HOT...... These were the days when she was amazing and every boys dream well at least the 16 year old's of today.


I can see why.......











BUT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS TODAY




Now how can you shatter little boys dreams like that...

Why dont these celebrities think of the children, they all concerned what a role model for girls they are what about the boys....